Monthly Archives: February 2012

If the world were the other way around…

Two interesting conversations that I was either a part of or overheard today, that if the way the world worked was in fact the other way around, no one would ever go for…

1.  Imagine if someone told a full-time working artist (take any discipline from actor to xylophone instructor), that in order to feel more fulfilled, they should become an office administrator as a hobby.

My analysis:  Office administration is seen as something like a “real” job, while Art is something “most” people consider as a “hobby” that should balance out your “real” life.  Mostly everyone loves art, or artistic things, or likes to support something artistic, BUT, it’s not considered real life.

2.  That no one should ever get paid for creative work they do.  If I didn’t pay for something that someone created, but I’m not using it to get any financial reward, everything’s cool.

My analysis:  Loads of people make use of content that isn’t theirs.  Not rightfully.  “Personal use” does not mean that because you “can” get something for free, that you can “use” it whatever way you want.  Someone had to create that thing you just saw/used/etc., and chances are it wasn’t you.  You do not hold any “rights” to it, unless you purchase it.  People deserve to get paid for the work they do, whether you agree or not.

In reference to #1 above – wouldn’t you be pissed to go to “real” work for 40 hours a week, 52 weeks a year (maybe with a few holidays thrown in) and not get paid?

Think about that for a second as you contemplate #2.

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Impact

I went to see The Vow yesterday with a good friend of mine, my best friend really.  We’ve known each other for 37+ years.

The movie itself was interesting.  My friend works with adults with brain injuries…  what the movie it about.  Imagine, waking up from an impact and not remembering your life.  Some, I’m sure, would welcome it.  You get a redo, a chance to go back and start again.  I can’t even imagine.

The movie plays heavy on the idea that life is a series of moments that impact us.  From conception on really, if you choose to look at the big picture.  I tend to believe this is true.

I’ve had a few – the last big one I had was in Fall of 2006 and the most recent big one was October 8, 2011.  In 2006 it was with a hydro pole, in October it was with a person.  2006 – Physically; 2011 – Emotionally.  Either way, it brought me to a place of being more consciously aware.  I think of it like peeling an onion.

I’ve had other ones along the way – meeting people, getting to work with people.  Changing jobs, etc.

What do we do with those opportunities where something is in front of us?  Do we notice them when they happen?  The big ones we have to live through, for good or bad.  The small ones might be so small that they go unnoticed until years later.

I can tell you one thing – the emotional ones sometimes leave you breathless.  You live with your emotions everyday…  how can they be so…  unknown?  But, you make concessions, and you make excuses.  At some point, like when I decided to go to Greco, you have to stop making excuses…even for the people you want to remain in your life.

There’s drama attached to those big moments of impact —  at least there is for me.  I used to think that I didn’t like drama, but man, when I’m in it, I’m in it.  It’s hard to step out of that fucking river sometimes.  It’s familiar — the unpredictable nature of emotions, mistrust and deprivation.  It’s seductive.  I know it.  But, at least now I know what I’m feeling.

Autobiography in Five Short Chapters
Chapter 1
I walk down the street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I fall in.
I am lost … I am helpless.
It isn’t my fault.
It takes forever to find a way out.
Chapter 2
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I pretend I don’t see it.
I fall in again.
I can’t believe I am in the same place.
But it isn’t my fault.
It still takes a long time to get out.
Chapter 3
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I see it is there.
I still fall in … it’s a habit.
My eyes are open.
I know where I am.
It is my fault.
I get out immediately.
Chapter 4
I walk down the same street.
There is a deep hole in the sidewalk.
I walk around it.
Chapter 5
I walk down another street.


~ Portia Nelson ~


I think I hear Ireland calling my name again… uh–oh…

Or maybe it’s Iceland?  Either way, I feel a trip coming on.  Go.  Somewhere.

I’ve been doing alot of thinking lately about what the next thing is.  I don’t want to be in the same position 5 years from now, wondering why I didn’t do anything about anything.  I’ve been making slow changes on a whole lotta levels, and I know that what I have the courage to do now will allow me to live a more full and rich life later on.  It’s just hard sometimes, and escaping everything is a seductive option.

So, what do I want then in the here and now?  Good question.  The following was inspired from a friend’s blog post.

I’d like to be able to live day to day, and not worry so much about a future that hasn’t happened yet.  We are setup to always be worrying about this and that – retirement, investments, blah, blah.  I know it’s important stuff, but it’s boring…  (must be my last born child syndrome talking…)  I want to know who you are and what you think about, and who you’ve loved, not how much money you’ve amassed.

I’d like to wake up every day with a renewed sense of myself and what my potential is.  I find that I get bogged down in the day-to-day habits and I don’t often think about how rich and full my life is.  I am pretty lucky.  I’ve got a family and friend support network and I have special people I can count on when things are tough.

I’d like to experience that all encompassing love, the kind I read about, where the other person cares as much about you as they do for themselves…  and, me being the person that I am, I would give them the same if not more in return.  Equals.

I guess what it really boils down to is wanting to share this crazy journey with someone.  I’m wondering when that’s gonna happen..