Last year in acting class, I learned about recognizing and working with impulses – those things that spur us on to do things that would appear out of the norm for our character and that take us somewhere we haven’t been before. They’re natural and everyone has them, and they actually bring you closer to who you really are. Within reason of course. Don’t go rob a bank or anything… There are rules.
Impulses call from deeper inside you. It’s like you aren’t under the influence of the lizard brain that holds you back from the things you want for fear of failure.
Sex is the most powerful impulse as it spurs co-creation and driving your genetic code forward in time… Like your own time machine… And if we were more like animals we wouldn’t have had the will to demonize the very thing which brings everyone into existence. It’s kinda ridiculous when you think about it. Man, humans can be stupid sometimes…
I digress… Back to the story.
Over the last few years, when I have acted on impulse, things have worked out… Heck… As far back as me putting in my résumé at Wallack’s, having no fine art degree, to making the decision to go back into Electronics, when I was working at an arts store, so I could finish my second diploma, to applying for a job in the RCMP, to meeting and shadowing a former PM for a day, to meeting Thomas Moore, to working for Alex Epstein, to starting a screenwriting group, to having my screenplays produced here in Ottawa and going to festivals, to recently deciding to leave my government occupation for the time being.
Aligning with where you want to go, knowing that it already exists for you, and allowing things to happen… Not always easy, but necessary.
Where I haven’t always acted on impulse is when it comes to affecting other people and their lives. Upsetting the apple cart, so to speak. I hold back most of the time because when I have acted on impulse, situations tend to turn out shitty and I shut down. I wasn’t paying attention to the other person, and I was never in a good place. But, you learn from these things, and you take experience along with you. There was one distinct event that occurred, which had I acted upon may or may not have precipitated a different outcome… I’ll never know for sure. But what I do know is this. I have to become a little more selfish in the things I want. Not in an arrogant way, just more direct. And not be attached to the outcome, but hopeful in knowing that whatever happens will change me somehow.
On another note:
I had a chat with a friend today, and she was talking about how she can be intense. I think we’re alike that way. I need to learn how to turn that down and turn some other things up to enjoy this ride a little more… Because when I do, it’s usually really fun.
Oh, and on more or less of an impulse, I bought an electronic drum kit… After my Rockband adventure a few weekends ago… They’re fun, and I think it’s the kind of instrument that meets my level of intensity. Maybe I wasn’t in love with Blas Elias from Slaughter… Maybe I wanted to be Blas Elais from Slaughter… Either way I’m gonna have fun crashing around on those.
And I wrote a song. And I’m taking voice coaching. And apparently I’ve agreed to record this song. We’ll see how that goes. Trying new things is fun.